The experience of parenting is a journey filled with love, joy, and connection, but it also comes with moments of profound emotional complexity. As a mother watched her son walk into his first day of middle school, she felt a mix of pride and sadness. She called out, “I love you!” but instead of the usual bright smile, her son gave a subtle smirk. This small moment marked a significant shift in their relationship, signaling that her “not-so-little guy” was growing up and stepping further away from the toddler who once clung to her side. The mother couldn’t help but feel a heavy sense of grief, a feeling that has accompanied her through every milestone in her son’s life. From the first steps to the first day of kindergarten, she has learned that parenting is not just about celebrating progress but also about letting go.
The realization that grief is a natural part of parenting can be surprising. Before becoming a mother, she anticipated challenges like sleepless nights, mom guilt, and the chaos of raising a child. What she didn’t expect was the deep, overwhelming sense of loss that comes with watching her child grow. Grief, as it turns out, is not just sadness; it’s a complex emotion that emerges when we experience a sense of finality or irrevocable change. According to Megan B. Bartley, a licensed therapist and founder of The Mindfulness Center, grief is an inevitable part of parenting. “Grief is bigger than sadness and more complicated,” she explains. It arises during moments of profound shifts, like when a child leaves one developmental phase and enters another. The Cleveland Clinic defines grief as the experience of coping with loss, and for parents, this loss is often tied to letting go of who their child once was.
Moira Khan, a certified grief educator, notes that grief is a universal experience for parents. It surfaces in small moments, like when a toddler masters a word and says it correctly, or when a teenager chooses to spend time with friends instead of family. These changes can feel like losses, even if they are signs of healthy growth. Grief emerges as parents say goodbye to the child they once knew and slowly embrace the person their child is becoming. For the mother dropping her son off at middle school, it was the disappearance of his wide, childlike grin that triggered her emotional spiral. “Grief occurs in situations where we have no control,” Khan explains, and parenting is full of such moments. Bartley adds that parenting itself is a grieving process, as it requires constantly letting go of one phase of a child’s life to make room for the next.
This duality of parenting—being deeply connected to someone while also letting them go—is a constant theme. For Jessica S., a mother of two from California, grief surfaced when her children began driving themselves, taking away the intimate bonding time they once shared during car rides. For Zac H., a father in Indiana, it was the loss of his daughter’s first tooth without getting to see it that brought on feelings of sadness. These moments remind parents that the experiences they cherish will never come again, intensifying the sense of loss. Bartley emphasizes that parents don’t need to feel guilty for these emotions; they are a natural part of the journey.
So, how can parents navigate this complex emotional landscape? Experts suggest that honoring the process of grief and embracing healthy coping strategies can help. Tools like journaling, exercise, meditation, and healthy eating can provide support during difficult moments. A Harvard study found that meditation can boost mood, while even short walks can reduce the risk of depression. Khan also recommends leaning on support networks, whether that’s talking to friends and family or reaching out to a professional. “Sometimes we need help from someone like me who can relate,” she says. Bartley suggests creating personal rituals to mark transitions, such as lighting a candle, scrapbooking, or planting flowers. These acts of acknowledgment can help parents process their emotions and move forward.
As the mother reflects on her own journey, she acknowledges that grief is not something to be rushed or suppressed. It’s a natural part of parenting, and it’s important to be gentle with oneself during these moments. Bartley advises parents to treat themselves with the same kindness they would offer their child. The mother has started writing letters to her son, a practice that helps her honor the endings and beginnings of each phase. Over time, she finds that her grief melts away, replaced by warm memories that remind her of the love that has always been at the heart of their relationship. Bartley shares a favorite quote by Jamie Anderson: “Grief is just love with nowhere to go.” For parents, this love can be channeled into the next phase of their child’s life, carrying them through the difficult moments and into the future. As the mother continues to navigate her son’s growing independence, she knows that the love she feels will guide her through the grief and into the next chapter of their journey together.
